The Thing (1982)

My first post in too damn long...
The Thing is perhaps John Carpenter's finest work. Coming from a man that has The Fog and Halloween under his belt already, this is quite an achievment. This movie is so damn good that I didn't notice until hours after finishing it that there was not a single female in the entire film. If you can make a movie without tits this good, you're one hell of a director.

Kurt Russel's seemingly infinite stock of badassness is not in short supply here, as an antarctic mission goes awry when a mysterious being is unearthed from the ice, able to take over your body and only reveal itself when necessary. Needless to say, the revealing process is a gore masterpiece, and yet another testament to John Carpenter's directing prowess. Throughout the process of weeding out who may be infected, many men must be burned to death, as this is the only way to destroy the beast that lurks within. The suspense is built perfectly within each scene, and builds an atmosphere that makes even pausing the movie at any point near impossible. The end leaves many questions to be answered, as any suspenseful movie should. To say this movie is perfect would not be far off. If Rob Zombie tries to remake this one, all the writers of this blog will form a lynch mob.

10/10

Oh boy, another Rob Zombie remake!

Since I only spend my time watching good horror films, I'm avoiding Rob Zombies Halloween 2 like the plague. But then I red something today that really pissed me off. "Rob Zombie to remake The Blob"

Why the hell is he doing remakes of films that are completely and totally out of his style? It makes no sense. It's like expecting Ed Wood to do a respectful remake of an Alfred Hitchcock film. But of course, that would imply that Rob Zombie is of the same caliber as Ed Wood which he is far from.

"My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing -- that's the first thing I want to change," Zombie said. "That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now."

Smart thinking, Rob. We wouldn't want the Blob looking like a "blob" now would we?

"I'd been looking to break out of the horror genre, and this really is a science fiction movie about a thing from outer space," Zombie said. "I intend to make it scary, and the great thing is I have the freedom once again to take it in any crazy direction I want to."

So you've been wanting to get out of making scary movies, so you can remake a sci-fi film and make it scary? Honestly, I can't wait for this "new direction" he will take the story this time. Maybe The Blob came out of a trailer park (sometime in the 70's of course) and begins swallowing people up (but not Sherri Moon of course. God forbid she goes without getting a starring role) to the sounds of Blue Oyster Cult and more than frequent cuss words.. Boy, I can just feel the tingling of a Sid Haig cameo right now can't you?!

Subterranean Fecal Root - Demo 2008

Tracklist:
1. Being Closed Minded and Being Heterosexual Go Hand in Hand
2. Coming of Age Ritual for a New Era of Masculine Dominance
3. Like A Fly On Shit
4. Salt Burned Snail Penis
5. Ass In Your Mouth, Nut in Your Eye
6. Putting Forth Effort Is Pretty Dumb When 99 Percent of People Are Into Shit We Hate
7. DAH duh duh duh DAH
8. The Virgin Mary Traded Her Hymen for a Handful of Grain
9. Public Service Announcement Regarding HIV With a Top Secret Hidden Track


After their now-classic debut album "Anthems of the Antisocial Underground", Waco's favorite sons recorded a little known demo. It features 9 new tracks of pure noisegrind insanity but this time with good production as it was recorded in an actual recording studio. But don't let that fool you, this is even more retarded than the full length album. The only tracks with some kind of structure would be "Coming of Age Ritual for a New Era of Masculine Dominance", "Like A Fly On Shit", "Ass In Your Mouth, Nut in Your Eye", and "The Virgin Mary Traded Her Hymen for a Handful of Grain." The rest of the demo is just total noise with a lot of retarded screaming and yelling but it's funny as fuck. Anyone who's a fan of noise and grindcore should hear this demo. Luckily, the entire thing is playing on the media player on the band's official site but I have a copy of the entire demo.

Sadly, SFR is on hiatus and it is not certain when they will back. It seems as if the members have totally disappeared by now. Thus, distribution of this demo is non-existent. As far as I know, it was given away as a free download by the band but perhaps to only a select few. Hopefully, SFR will give this demo a proper release sometime in the future but at this point, it doesn't seem likely.

Will we ever see a return of the kings of Waco Shitgrind?


10/10

Kaiju-The Gods are Angry

Beware of the giant, city destroying power of Kaiju's Demo "The Gods Are Angry". The band is Beware the Nev who unleashes radioactive fire breath, Chainsaw Joel who unleashes finger missles, Reaper who summons Mechadrums of destruction, and Mortuary Mike who produces hypnotic sound waves. These songs revolve around Giant monsters or evil in general, every song is intense and deep. It makes you wish two giant monsters would burst into your city and throwdown, making you play this cd as their battle music. if you love Giant Monsters, awesome music and wanting to destroy shitty american remakes like GINO, then please get Kaiju.

I give this a 10/10

Funerealm - Demo 09

There have been many old school styled death metal bands popping up today but a lot of them tend to be a total rip off of their influences. Only a few of them could ever be compared to the ancients gods of Death Metal and I'm happy to say that Funerealm is one of the elite few. Even though they have only released this demo so far, I can see great things coming from this band in the future. These three tracks are that strong! These guys play true death metal from the heart and they avoid any modern trends. No gravity blasts, pig squeals, breakdowns, or any of that gay shit. The riffs here are very memorable and they seem to have a great sense of melody too. The songs have a very dark feel to it and they are very well played. The guitar solos are fucking awesome too!

Go to www.myspace.com/funerealmsj and ask them for a copy of this great demo. As I said earlier, you can expect great things from Funerealm in the future.

10/10

El Abortos Second Review

Cuntsmacker- Hypnoticism:Transcending the Metricious

Reviewed by El Aborto

Cuntsmacker, with a name like that you can expect a band that is either fucking awesome or very tongue in cheek, and in Cuntsmackers case...they are pretty much both.Cuntsmacker is a three man band comprising of the lovely Morbid G who writes the bands lyrics and is the main vocalist, C Smacker 4 is does the clean vocals for the songs and who does the drums and programming for tracks, and Cunt Smackula who does low vocals and who is the guitarist and bassist.

Their latest cd is called Hypnoticism:Transcending the Metricious, and it is completely different from their usual stuff but it still holds that unique flavor that they make. the songs all have to do with medical or fetishes. The songs don't sound like usually grindcore band stuff, which is not a bad thing, especially for a band that says they are "Not your typical Grindcore band", the songs are more electro or techno mixed with grind, which helps out the songs being that many of them have to do with freaky fetishes such as Tamakeri Omarashi which deals with both the kicking of the genitals and urination. they have songs like Ovum Discharge which is a fancy way of being on the Rag and Xenofulfill My Love which deals with loving an alien species and many more, this song is good for people like me who enjoy sick fetishes and don't mind a little change just as long as the basic tongue in cheek nature is there, and trust me Cuntsmacker is the kind of band that will always make some kick ass tracks even if they are not typical death metal or grindcore. if your into freaky shit and if you like to "get down" like what the young kids are talking about these days, check out this album.

I give it a 8/10

El Aborto's first cd review..well here

Yes that is right, El Aborto has did some cd reviews and the first band I reviewed is Demoniacal Possession and their album "Into the Infernal Kingdom"

Demoniacal Possession- Into the Infernal Kingdom

Reviewed by El Aborto

Demoniacal Possession, a name that oozes gloom, evil, and a killer fucking band from Georgia. Demoniacal is headed by one man mastermind Demonic who does the bass, guitar and drums for this throw back to old death metal. His "official" demo is called Into the Infernal Kingdom and if your into Old school Doom and Death Metal, then this is the album for you to get.

The Intro is classic old school, the riffs are slow and menacing and will drive you toward instant headbanging. The focus of the songs are evil or reference old horror movies that deal with the dark and the supernatural such as Rise of the Blind Dead. every track is haunting, dark and aggressive which makes it perfect music for all those gore obsessed fans out there who want music for their own horror movies. the band even does an homage to the greatest fucking band known Impetigo, with their song "Lesion of Impetigo", Demonic gets very close to how Steveo would do his voice, and you will never stop headbanging to this band and album, this is a band that you can expect to become fucking better with every album and will constantly try to pervert your children.

if your into whimpy nu death metal or happy christian shit, then piss off.

I give this a 9/10