The Thing (1982)

My first post in too damn long...
The Thing is perhaps John Carpenter's finest work. Coming from a man that has The Fog and Halloween under his belt already, this is quite an achievment. This movie is so damn good that I didn't notice until hours after finishing it that there was not a single female in the entire film. If you can make a movie without tits this good, you're one hell of a director.

Kurt Russel's seemingly infinite stock of badassness is not in short supply here, as an antarctic mission goes awry when a mysterious being is unearthed from the ice, able to take over your body and only reveal itself when necessary. Needless to say, the revealing process is a gore masterpiece, and yet another testament to John Carpenter's directing prowess. Throughout the process of weeding out who may be infected, many men must be burned to death, as this is the only way to destroy the beast that lurks within. The suspense is built perfectly within each scene, and builds an atmosphere that makes even pausing the movie at any point near impossible. The end leaves many questions to be answered, as any suspenseful movie should. To say this movie is perfect would not be far off. If Rob Zombie tries to remake this one, all the writers of this blog will form a lynch mob.

10/10

Oh boy, another Rob Zombie remake!

Since I only spend my time watching good horror films, I'm avoiding Rob Zombies Halloween 2 like the plague. But then I red something today that really pissed me off. "Rob Zombie to remake The Blob"

Why the hell is he doing remakes of films that are completely and totally out of his style? It makes no sense. It's like expecting Ed Wood to do a respectful remake of an Alfred Hitchcock film. But of course, that would imply that Rob Zombie is of the same caliber as Ed Wood which he is far from.

"My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing -- that's the first thing I want to change," Zombie said. "That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now."

Smart thinking, Rob. We wouldn't want the Blob looking like a "blob" now would we?

"I'd been looking to break out of the horror genre, and this really is a science fiction movie about a thing from outer space," Zombie said. "I intend to make it scary, and the great thing is I have the freedom once again to take it in any crazy direction I want to."

So you've been wanting to get out of making scary movies, so you can remake a sci-fi film and make it scary? Honestly, I can't wait for this "new direction" he will take the story this time. Maybe The Blob came out of a trailer park (sometime in the 70's of course) and begins swallowing people up (but not Sherri Moon of course. God forbid she goes without getting a starring role) to the sounds of Blue Oyster Cult and more than frequent cuss words.. Boy, I can just feel the tingling of a Sid Haig cameo right now can't you?!

Subterranean Fecal Root - Demo 2008

Tracklist:
1. Being Closed Minded and Being Heterosexual Go Hand in Hand
2. Coming of Age Ritual for a New Era of Masculine Dominance
3. Like A Fly On Shit
4. Salt Burned Snail Penis
5. Ass In Your Mouth, Nut in Your Eye
6. Putting Forth Effort Is Pretty Dumb When 99 Percent of People Are Into Shit We Hate
7. DAH duh duh duh DAH
8. The Virgin Mary Traded Her Hymen for a Handful of Grain
9. Public Service Announcement Regarding HIV With a Top Secret Hidden Track


After their now-classic debut album "Anthems of the Antisocial Underground", Waco's favorite sons recorded a little known demo. It features 9 new tracks of pure noisegrind insanity but this time with good production as it was recorded in an actual recording studio. But don't let that fool you, this is even more retarded than the full length album. The only tracks with some kind of structure would be "Coming of Age Ritual for a New Era of Masculine Dominance", "Like A Fly On Shit", "Ass In Your Mouth, Nut in Your Eye", and "The Virgin Mary Traded Her Hymen for a Handful of Grain." The rest of the demo is just total noise with a lot of retarded screaming and yelling but it's funny as fuck. Anyone who's a fan of noise and grindcore should hear this demo. Luckily, the entire thing is playing on the media player on the band's official site but I have a copy of the entire demo.

Sadly, SFR is on hiatus and it is not certain when they will back. It seems as if the members have totally disappeared by now. Thus, distribution of this demo is non-existent. As far as I know, it was given away as a free download by the band but perhaps to only a select few. Hopefully, SFR will give this demo a proper release sometime in the future but at this point, it doesn't seem likely.

Will we ever see a return of the kings of Waco Shitgrind?


10/10

Kaiju-The Gods are Angry

Beware of the giant, city destroying power of Kaiju's Demo "The Gods Are Angry". The band is Beware the Nev who unleashes radioactive fire breath, Chainsaw Joel who unleashes finger missles, Reaper who summons Mechadrums of destruction, and Mortuary Mike who produces hypnotic sound waves. These songs revolve around Giant monsters or evil in general, every song is intense and deep. It makes you wish two giant monsters would burst into your city and throwdown, making you play this cd as their battle music. if you love Giant Monsters, awesome music and wanting to destroy shitty american remakes like GINO, then please get Kaiju.

I give this a 10/10

Funerealm - Demo 09

There have been many old school styled death metal bands popping up today but a lot of them tend to be a total rip off of their influences. Only a few of them could ever be compared to the ancients gods of Death Metal and I'm happy to say that Funerealm is one of the elite few. Even though they have only released this demo so far, I can see great things coming from this band in the future. These three tracks are that strong! These guys play true death metal from the heart and they avoid any modern trends. No gravity blasts, pig squeals, breakdowns, or any of that gay shit. The riffs here are very memorable and they seem to have a great sense of melody too. The songs have a very dark feel to it and they are very well played. The guitar solos are fucking awesome too!

Go to www.myspace.com/funerealmsj and ask them for a copy of this great demo. As I said earlier, you can expect great things from Funerealm in the future.

10/10

El Abortos Second Review

Cuntsmacker- Hypnoticism:Transcending the Metricious

Reviewed by El Aborto

Cuntsmacker, with a name like that you can expect a band that is either fucking awesome or very tongue in cheek, and in Cuntsmackers case...they are pretty much both.Cuntsmacker is a three man band comprising of the lovely Morbid G who writes the bands lyrics and is the main vocalist, C Smacker 4 is does the clean vocals for the songs and who does the drums and programming for tracks, and Cunt Smackula who does low vocals and who is the guitarist and bassist.

Their latest cd is called Hypnoticism:Transcending the Metricious, and it is completely different from their usual stuff but it still holds that unique flavor that they make. the songs all have to do with medical or fetishes. The songs don't sound like usually grindcore band stuff, which is not a bad thing, especially for a band that says they are "Not your typical Grindcore band", the songs are more electro or techno mixed with grind, which helps out the songs being that many of them have to do with freaky fetishes such as Tamakeri Omarashi which deals with both the kicking of the genitals and urination. they have songs like Ovum Discharge which is a fancy way of being on the Rag and Xenofulfill My Love which deals with loving an alien species and many more, this song is good for people like me who enjoy sick fetishes and don't mind a little change just as long as the basic tongue in cheek nature is there, and trust me Cuntsmacker is the kind of band that will always make some kick ass tracks even if they are not typical death metal or grindcore. if your into freaky shit and if you like to "get down" like what the young kids are talking about these days, check out this album.

I give it a 8/10

El Aborto's first cd review..well here

Yes that is right, El Aborto has did some cd reviews and the first band I reviewed is Demoniacal Possession and their album "Into the Infernal Kingdom"

Demoniacal Possession- Into the Infernal Kingdom

Reviewed by El Aborto

Demoniacal Possession, a name that oozes gloom, evil, and a killer fucking band from Georgia. Demoniacal is headed by one man mastermind Demonic who does the bass, guitar and drums for this throw back to old death metal. His "official" demo is called Into the Infernal Kingdom and if your into Old school Doom and Death Metal, then this is the album for you to get.

The Intro is classic old school, the riffs are slow and menacing and will drive you toward instant headbanging. The focus of the songs are evil or reference old horror movies that deal with the dark and the supernatural such as Rise of the Blind Dead. every track is haunting, dark and aggressive which makes it perfect music for all those gore obsessed fans out there who want music for their own horror movies. the band even does an homage to the greatest fucking band known Impetigo, with their song "Lesion of Impetigo", Demonic gets very close to how Steveo would do his voice, and you will never stop headbanging to this band and album, this is a band that you can expect to become fucking better with every album and will constantly try to pervert your children.

if your into whimpy nu death metal or happy christian shit, then piss off.

I give this a 9/10

Toxic Avenger

Plot
Some dorky little fuck gets picked on by body builders and hot chicks to the point where the carrot top pansy jumps out of a god damn window. The little fucker falls into a barrel of toxic waste parked there by two druggies who are snorting coke. The kid catches on fire and turns into a buff as shit deformed monster in a pink tu tu. He then goes out into Tromaville and kills tranny muggers, and Mexican food shop buglers. The fat white mayor and his stereotypical Nazi German 1st mate seek to kill this monster because thy are the case of all the crime and are making bank. Long story short the fat fuck gets disemboweled, the fucking end!

Review
If you like fucking retarded Gore/slasher flicks with a shitty plot and tons of blood and gore then you'll love this! Stereotypes left and right, good tit shots, and over all funny!

10/10

The Rantings of El Aborto Vol. 2

Listen to El Aborto rant about Feefer, Necrophagist, Bullet for My Valentine, Despised Icon, etc.


http://www.mediafire.com/?nmzjzldzmwa

Send hatemail to:

www.myspace.com/bitchkillersucks

or if you don't have myspace, just leave a comment here.

Rape Squad aka Act of Vengeance

This Rape & Revenge flick predates the first Friday the 13th by about 6 years, so don't let the box fool you into thinking it's another "Bloody Murder" style slasher ripoff. This is the original hockey mask wearing villain, except he's not a serial killer, he's a rapist.

Linda finds herself a victim of a degrading rape one dark evening. She goes to the police only to be hassled. However, she finds that she is not alone and there have in fact been a handful of other similar incidents committed by the same orange jumpsuit clad maniac. The other victims are tired of dealing with the police's bullshit and Linda proposes that they do something about it themselves. Thus commencing the Rape Squad!

It is at this point in the movie where it goes from being a trashy flick filled with rape scenes, to a Charlie's Angels "Girls-getting-revenge-and-kicking-men's-butts" kind of movie. A very amusing experience overall, though some might get turned off to it early on from the blunt portrayals of rape. But those of us desensitized to such things will probably be chuckling at the very idea that such a movie exists.

I can also guarantee, you will never listen to the song "Jingle Bells" the same way ever again.

***1/2 out of *****

















It may be long, but that's a catchy movie tag line if I've ever read one!

Monarchs of Depravity: Podcast 2

Here it is! The long awaited 2nd episode of Monarchs of Depravity. Featuring guest host, Sledgehammer (aka: Ian Berling of Cannibal Records, Zombie Raiders, and Xvart)

Playlist:
Cirith Ungol - King of the Dead
Deceased - The Premonition
Zombie Raiders - Meat Tenderizer
Repulsion - Maggots in Your Coffin
Manilla Road - The Ram
Scum Bitch - Gay Marrige is Gay. DIE FAGGOTS!
Wartext - Just Fucking Die
Impetigo - Dis-Organ-Ized
Dismember - In Death's Sleep
Hallows Eve - Hallows Eve

If you don't like this, eat a bowl of fuck!


DOWNLOAD

Putrid Pile - House of Dementia

It's been 4 years since Putrid Pile dropped their last turd, "The Pleasure in Suffering." They are back with another lesson in sucking AIDS infected moose cock with "House of Dementia." Ugh!

This album has no redeeming qualities. It's full of gay, overproduced br00tality, bree bree vocals, and slams. This album just flat out swallows a giant donkey load. Slam wiggers and br00tal tards are going to be all over this abomination. May they all die of AIDS for liking such of shitty "music." I hesitate to call this "music." This is the audio equivillant to Lemon Party. Fuck this album and fuck Putrid Pile!

True death metal fans, do not waste your time. Don't believe anyone who says this album is any good. Don't even give this piece of shit a chance. Go listen to real brutal death metal like Infester (the Seattle band) instead.

0/10

Phone Calls

Here are two phones calls made by Anbar, Chooper, Aborto, and myself (Demonic Possessor)

http://www.mediafire.com/?zmddzj1nmax

Brain Drill - Apocalyptic Feasting

Brain Drill are one of the gayest bands in recent memory. They are considered "Technical Death Metal" by some. I don't hear a single trace of Death Metal on this album. This is just an overproduced wankfest for posers. There use to be a fucking time when Technical Death Metal actually meant Death Metal bands who could write technical songs. But nowadays, Tech. Death Metal just means a bunch of retards playing sweep arpeggios every time they get the chance in between their boring tremolo picking and br00tal Fear Factory influenced riffs. Ugh! There's no real songwriting involved. How anyone can enjoy this is beyond me. I feel sick every time I see the name Brain Drill. A lot of people will tell you that "DIS BE EVOLUTION DAWG!" FUCK YOU! THIS ISN'T AN EVOLUTION OF DEATH METAL! THIS ISN'T EVEN DEATH METAL! THIS IS FUCKING WANKCORE!


If you like real death metal, stay the fuck away from this piece of shit. If you are actually into this crap, get your head checked out. There must be something horribly wrong with you. There are no redeeming qualities on this album.

0/10

El Aborto's rants

Thats right folks, Its your favorite Cynical Bastard El Aborto here. I know I haven't reviewed much but that will change soon. I am here to present to you some of my vocal rants. Thats right, you will hear me ranting uncontrollably about crappy music and crappy films, every singe part of my rants are filled with hate, ignorance and hilarity.

Listen with extreme caution and if your a whiny, easily offended bitch, send me some hate mail and let me know I did my job.

enjoy the rants you sickos

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=QY66ZEG0

Fondlecorpse - Creaturegore

Never before have I had such high expectations for something that have been exceeded tenfold by the actual product. To say that I merely recommend this album would do it a disservice. I not only recommend it, I shout from the rooftops that plague may enshroud the nation were it not to take part in it's splendor. Good fucking Jesus man, I've played this album 5 times since I got it and the thought of it getting old has never once occurred. My first thought was the rawness of the vocals. There is clearly absolutely no "nu" influence going into them. Just pure old school early 90s death metal feeling throughout. Then come the guitars. Thrashy and melodic and brutal all at the same time. When I say thrashy, I mean crossover thrash speed . When I say melodic, I mean entirely uncheezy feeling pure melody. And when I say brutal, I mean all the fury of a Dismember album. You know what I mean!

Each individual song on this album is special in it's own way. There is absolutely no "filler" in here. Each track is unique, each track fits in with the others and yet is entirely original to itself. The intros entirely fit the theme, and are short enough to please those who bitch about releases like this that have them, yet long enough to please the cheezy movie fans like us here! There is a lead in nearly every song, and they are always spectacular! What talented musicians we're dealing with here. Not only are they always on point with the riffs, but the little things that aren't noticed until repeated listens, like the intricate guitar parts laid in between some of the riffs are just amazing.

There is nothing further I can say about this release other than to buy it, immediately! Go to razorbackrecords.com, fondlecorpse.nl, or myspace.com/fondlecorpse, and get this album!

10/10

Podcast Episode 1

PLAYLIST:
Doomstone - Doomstone/Transvection
Grand Belial's Key - Goat of a Thousand Young
Cianide - Gates of Slumber
Revenge - Traitor Crucifixion
Blood Freak - Worm Face Executioner
Nunslaughter - Hellchild
Witchfinder General - Friends of Hell
Mentors - White Trash Woman
Sinister - Compulsory Resignation
Zombie Ritual - Zombie Hurricane
Warloghe - Witchcraft and Blood
Mercyful Fate - Night of the Unborn
Rigor Mortis - Freaks
Venom - Black Metal
Millions of Dead Cops - John Wayne Was a Nazi
Vital Remains - Descent Into Hell
Impetigo - Cannibal Lust


Hope you like it, if not, we tried...



DOWNLOAD (Link updated)

Sleepaway Camp

This movie has a special place for me, because it was the movie that really got me into horror. I'd seen horror movies before, sure, but this one had me coming back to the video store and entirely ignoring all other genres for the first time.

Like a few people I know, I heard about this movie through Frightmare's amazing song Angela. Now, unfortunately, the song made it so that the plot, most importantly the ending, weren't a mystery to me. But this did nothing to take away from just how great a movie this is. I've probably seen it 8 times since then, including last night.

The movie opens with two kids with their dad on a boat, while on the other end of the lake, some annoying chick and her horny boyfriend are pulling some other chick behind them on a motorboat. The horny boyfriend doesn't see the dad and kids in the water, and one of the kids and the dad are killed.

Later we meet Angela and Ricky, living with Ricky's mother, and on their way to summer camp. They arrive at camp and we meet Ronnie and his ridiculous shorts, and Mel with his ever present cigar, as well as probably my favorite character, Artie the cook. Anyone who can't tell just from his first line "look at all that young fresh chicken" has clearly never seen a child molester before. And when he tries to take advantage of Angela, Ricky finds them and stops him. Oh yeah, and then he gets hit with a pot of boiling water.

Then some annoying kid at the lake gets drowned after he insults Angela. And then the bees, and the shower, the arrow, the hatchet, and
Well, you get the idea. This is my favorite slasher movie. It gets a 10/10

Join the Monarchs of Depravity Forums

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3 Updates today

First and foremost, let me introduce you all to the hate page against me. It's great publicity.

http://www.youtube.com/user/vivalaposer

Enjoy.

Next off, let me tell you all that this blog is adding to it's repertoire with a podcast! Not only will we mock posers, but we'll talk about news in music and some horror stuff as well. It'll be up sometime in the next week, Demonic Possessor is still editing it. It'll feature plenty of metal classics and great new shit that we've reviewed.

And finally, the review. Today I'll be reviewing Friday the 13th Part 2.



First off, let me say that this is MILES ahead of part one and light years beyond the remake that I'll never see nor give a chance. It starts off with Alice having a nightmare, recalling the events of the first movie. She sees Mrs. Voorhees' head in the freezer, which was really well done.

Then we see the new counselors who meet Crazy Ralph (again) and (again) are told how everyone is doomed. They don't care, obviously. Later on Crazy Ralph gets strangled with barbed wire, so I guess next time around the kids won't be so lucky as to have a person to warn them.

I'm not going to ruin this whole movie for you guys if you haven't seen it, but god damnit, go and watch it! It's filled with gore (body count of 9 I believe), tits, and cheezy 80s dialogue. If you don't like camp slashers, something is wrong with you, and this is one of the best.

10/10

Demo - Hollywood Meltdown

Genre - Christian Screamo


I just named the genre. If you aren't running from this right now, then you're on the wrong website. This is literally the GAYEST thing I've ever heard. It starts out with a breakdown. What a surprise! A breakdown! We haven't heard a bazillion of those in this genre before. Next comes girly ass pussy screams. And then...what is that over the horizon? GOTHENBURG BULLSHIT! Yes, and a truckload of it, as hammer on riffs fill my ears with semen the likes of which we've never seen! It's like fucking aural mayonnaise. Guess who their number one influence is. JESUS. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. Fuck this band. This is Jarek music.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=419042979


-1,000,000/10

Blood Shack AKA The Chooper

Blood Shack is among my personal favorite movies, if you couldn't tell from my user name. Not only is it a low budget and hardly known classic, but the version of it I own I can't even find a record of it's existence. That's always a good sign!

This chick is trying to buy this shack, but everyone keeps telling her it's haunted by "The Chooper", a local legend. Finally people start getting killed by The Chooper, a ridiculous guy in a black sweatsuit with a long knife. The ending is a total scooby doo style affair, with the mask being pulled off and someone revealing that it's not "the real" chooper.

You can get this movie easily on DVD these days, but if you want my super kvlt VHS version, you're going to be searching for a long time.

9/10

Skincrawler - Lair of the Foul

Hey guys! Guess what! Hellhammer changed their name and decided to become some dude named Elektrokutioner?

Could have fooled me. This shit IS Hellhammer. It's not the ONLY influence, but honestly, it could pass for it! The production, the song writing, the vocals, and even the artwork! Nev did a great job on this!

The atmosphere on this album is perfect. From the opening of Demons of the Dark it drags you down to a deep, dark place, from which there is no return! From what I've heard, Elektrokutioner wrote most of this album in one day. If that's true, he's clearly the greatest metal musician of 2008. He wins the award. Right now. I'm listening to Hellhammer right now, and I honestly had to look back and make sure I wasn't accidently listening to Skincrawler by mistake. If you like Hellhammer - LISTEN TO SKINCRAWLER! I can't put it any more clearly than that. If you don't like Hellhammer, kill yourself. Get Lair of the Foul, now!
10/10

Decrepitaph - Condemned Cathedral review

When the words "best album of the year" come up, at least 3 albums spring to mind. The new Arghoslent was pretty cool, definitely the best melodic death metal I've ever heard. The new Cliteater was fun too, grind like that doesn't come around everyday, at least not in 2008. And Vacant Coffin, released at the same time as this beauty right here. Not to mention Acid Witch, Hooded Menace, and Gruesome Stuff Relish. I could go on. But no, we're here for Decrepitaph. I'm going to have to do my best to give this an objective review. My record label (Poveglia) is releasing their demos, but I don't think that means I can't give an honest review here. So here goes.

Condemned Cathedral is my pick for album of the year. It's quite late. I believe this came out December 18th on the greatest thing to happen to this world since metal itself, Razorback Records. There are times in which I lose hope for death metal. For example, when I heard the latest Decrepit Birth. It saddened me. Where has it all gone? What happened to death metal that was brutal, but didn't have to be called brutal death metal. I'll tell you what happened to it. It moved to Texas and called itself Decrepitaph.

This CD starts out with a sample, something Razorback bands have been disappointing me with lately by not including them. Seriously, what happened to greats like Lord Gore, Frightmare, and Fondlecorpse? All of them had samples, and they were great! I guess it's those damn online reviews complaining about them. Oh well. Anywho, after a sample in which we are told we'll hear an example of this horrible satanic garbage that's destroying America, we do. And oh what an opening it is. The opening riff comes out in full force, with an amazing guitar tone, like Entombed's Left Hand Path crossed with Gruesome Stuff Relish's Teenage Giallo Grind, to compare two entirely unrelated albums. I think it's fitting. The bass is fairly low in the mix. At least I think so. Maybe the guitar is just so heavy in tone that it matches the bass. The drums are perfect, no triggers or any modern bullshit, just beautiful untainted ancient death metal.

Unholy Crucifixion features yet more catchy riffs, incorporating as much death metal as doom. By this point we can tell that Asphyx, Incantation, and several other death/doom giants played a big part in influencing this album. Decrepitaph don't copy them by any means, however. Decrepitaph form a sound all their own with their catchy choruses, droningly slow riffs, intersperced with midpaced and upbeat riffs.

My highlight of this album is definitely A Burial In Hell. The first time I heard this riff was on a demo version of the track put on the myspace. I was absolutely floored. This is without a doubt the heaviest riff I've ever heard. It's like if Black Sabbath and Slayer had a fight with barbells. That's how god damn heavy this is. If you've only heard the demo versions of this album, then you are NOT hearing what truly needs to be heard. The production on this album makes it sound like how all death metal should. Raw, and crushing!

I know it's just past X-mas time folks, and I know some of you were good little boys and girls and Santa may have slipped some money in your stocking. I'm not going to judge you if you don't use that money to buy this album. I'm just going to give you that weird kind of look that parents give you when they disapprove, but they're not really angry. You know, the kind of look they give when they say "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed." That's what will happen to you. Just try looking at yourself in the mirror the next day after not purchasing this album. And believe me, each day gets worse. I'd be happy if another album this good came out in the next 5 years. I'm not liberal with my 100 ratings, so take my word for it. If you like death metal and or doom metal, do not miss out on Condemned Cathedral!

10/10